To Mothers Cutoff by Their Children: Nurture Your Inner Child

Many celebrate Mother’s Day worldwide, but there are pockets of women in every community who spend this day mourning. Their cutoff or estrangement from their mothers and children is an extension of practices that began with slavery and the Holocaust. Remember, families were disrupted by abusive leadership causing women (and men) to be separated and cut off from their children through no fault of their own.

               We have evolved as a society to cut off from loved ones for different reasons, but the pain is the same. A recent poll on my YouTube channel revealed that 70% of respondents admit to poor family relations, while another 30% said relations are good.

My family history began long before my birth, but the practices of cutoff and estrangement are strong on one side of the family. Today, I am reminded it has been 8 years since I heard from my adult daughter. The only daughter I gave birth to, along with her 4 brothers.

This Mother’s Day, May 11, 2025, I am keenly aware others share the pain of this truth. I have heard their stories.

Living With Their Decision

Every person has the right to make their own decision. As heartbreaking and confusing as this is, it is an extension of the free will that God gives each person – the right to do what they wish.

However, in this instance, the pain is specific. The pain dances with guilt, unanswered questions, shame, and, for some, a longing to return to the past and interact with our children differently.

That is not going to happen. We cannot return to the former days and groom our relationships differently. So we live with an ache in our hearts that can be revisited each time we see another woman with her child, especially a young child, and remember those early days.

And yet, we cannot turn off the memories or squash the aches. The truth is, our child, our daughter, our son, has made a decision to cease communication with their physical source of life, and it hurts badly.

What can I do?

I can only imagine the lengths some women have gone to force the renewal of the relationship. Other women surrendered immediately and just lived in a state of acceptance coupled with unknown, unanswered awareness of how their children were doing emotionally, mentally, financially, physically, and spiritually.

The five stages of grief give us some insight and awareness of the road we will travel through the estrangement of relationships with children, and other family members. These stages are not a solution, however, they give us insight about our feelings and responses to this subject. Hopefully, this awareness will allow us to extend grace to ourselves.

Grace to Me?  Yes. Grace!

God gives grace to God’s sons and daughters populating the earth. As children of God, we receive grace, but we can give grace. Why not give it to myself?

Since grace is kindness towards others, and goodwill, and unmerited favor, that we receive from God, despite our past mistakes and decisions and current failures, it only makes sense to take some of that same kindness and goodwill and shower it upon ourselves!

Loving ourselves through kind thoughts, words, and revisiting interests like painting or horseback riding, are ways we practice goodwill towards ourselves.

By moving through the stages of grief and loss we reach acceptance. Here, we can give credence to the loss, with sadness, and at the same time honor, and nurture ourselves.

Ministering to Our Inner Child

It is a day to honor my inner child and minister to her by offering comfort, compassion, a great meal, beautiful flowers, and kind words and acts of love. Learn to enjoy your own company no matter what day it is.

If you have not done so, reflect on what your little girl missed out on, apologize to her, and offer it to her now! Weep with her, honor her pain and tears, and offer her comfort because this will allow you to create a relationship with yourself that is healthy and loving.

One of life’s best gifts is the act of creating a family you can interact and fellowship. There are men and women and girls and boys that enjoy my company. They are my “family.”

Have you found yours yet?

God says…

               God’s Word has a lot to say. Starting with knowing we are “uniquely and wonderfully made…” (Psalm 139:14), before our children we born, we were – we existed in the likeness and image of God.

               Due to social atrocities and family histories of mental health, substance abuse, etc., we were wounded BUT can experience restoration. We can reshape the relationship we have with ourselves as little girls knowing that “For the Lord comforts his people and will have compassion on his afflicted ones” (Is.  49:14).

               Entering God’s presence through worship and Scripture will allow God to comfort us. God will hear our cries and pleas for relief and bring us closer to a place of acceptance.

Closing Thoughts

Did you ever want something so long that you think it will never happen? I understand that line of thought. It does not mean I do not have hope or trust in God. It means this is my way of dulling the pain. If what I desire happens, great. If not, all will be well.

So I encourage you to live well this Mother’s Day. It is not surprising to get visits from grief and self-pity. And in acknowledging those feelings and thoughts with friends you trust, or a journal, you can move through the big emotions and tough thoughts to celebrate the little girl in you by nurturing her.

And maybe, you will move a bit closer to the sixth stage of grief….Finding Meaning

Be blessed,

Michelle

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